To Endure a Pyramid Within a Spherical Mind

A factor of my life that I have become more aware of in a tangible sense as I grow older is how I do not often feel comfortable within my own skin, be it my physical body, my family, my community, my town. I am uncertain as to why I feel this way, but looking back on my fourty years of life, I can see it has been a thread that has been a part of me since conception.

How do I mean or how am I aware of this discomfort, one may ask. It first became obvious to me only in brief flashes or in short fits and spurts during all sorts of different daily activities. For many years these flashes or spurts were disjointed and had no cohesive sense to them. The interconnectedness of their effect only became apparent en masse. The flashes or fits and spurts were hallmarked by an amazing seensation of "unawareness", a loss of input to the mind about where I was at, what I was doing, analysis of how I was performing. Another way to state is that I was "in the moment" so to speak. In the brief seconds and occasional minutes I felt this "in the moment" sensation, I was not cognizant of its significance, and only through the happenstance event of pieces several of these moments together did I realize that I am perhaps abnormally aware of my physical and emotional self in regards to the surroundings. This awareness consumes vast stores of physical and emotional energy and now that I sense its costs, I wish to either find beneifts to the method of living or adjust my methods of living accordingly.

Konrad